The Backwater Gospel and Pearce Sisters

A pair of little Ghoulish animated films! Have fun!

Evil-Lyn Zombie

A zombified Evil-Lyn, corrupted by her own spells in her pursuit of power. Once unleashed, this magic plague swept across Eternia, destroying all life in its path.

I watch em so you don't have to! Zombies from around the world

Went on a bit of a foreign zombie kick. La Horde from France, REC from Spain, and Rammbock:Berlin Undead from Germany.
   It probably goes without saying that REC is the best of the bunch. I must confess that I saw the American re-make "Quarantine" first and actually liked it. But REC managed to be creepier and better. The sense of claustrophobia is almost overwhelming. Shot in a real apartment building with actors who had limited foreknowledge of their fate, REC piles terror upon terror. Even the moments where the reporter and her cameraman find a place to rest are almost perfect examples of sustained tension. As with all these films, I did have a bit of trouble reading subtitles during the more intense scenes. But with REC, I often found myself forgetting to read for much longer stretches as I was just too wrapped up with the fear! 4 brains out of a possible 5
    La Horde is set in a small city in France. Criminals and cops get stuck trying to escape an overrun building together. My favorite thing about La Horde has to be all the brutal hand to hand combat with zombies. Most films show a bit of mele and then it all becomes guns and quick blows to the head. But there are some frightfully violent scenes where zombies are getting the shit kicked out of them by crazed gangsters or cops pushed to their breaking points. The movie does tend to leap from this gritty reality into almost cartoon levels of chaos that can suddenly take you out of the moment. But I still enjoyed it. 3 brains out of a possible 5
   Rammbock is a bit more low key than La Horde. But instead of heavily armed cops and gangsters, we have an apartment block full of regular citizens scrambling through attics and fighting their very family and neighbors for survival. In some ways , this is the most lighthearted of the three with odd moments of silliness, but well balanced with heavy scenes of watching people slowly break down from the pressures of being trapped with zombie loved ones. 3 brains out of a possible 5.
    I recommend all three of the flicks which is a new thing for me. I'm loading up the Netflix queue with a whole new round of zombie movies, most of which I'm hoping will be terrible, and I'll watch them so you don't have to.

Up Yours Twitter

I just noticed in our sidebar that the last time Dekx or I put anything on Twatter was 666 days ago. Thanks for being there for us.
Pope Zombius the 5th thinks we are lazy sinners. 

I Watch 'em So You Don't Have To: part 2

Zombi 2 (Zombie):

We are going to eat you. OK, there's no need for a real summary to this one. Let's snuggle up and get this started with a checklist of its awesome.

1. Hot nekkid European 80's Women.

2. Zombies

3. Zombie attacking hot nekkid 80's women and fighting a shark.

4. No real plot to speak of.

5. Did I mention the hot girls, and the zombie fighting a shark? Yeah. I know I did, but it's really important to the movie.

Right. This one is great, and an Italian classic.

I give it 3.5 brains out of 5

Zombi 3: Before we get too far into it and waste any time on this piece of garbage, let's just say that this movie is a piece of garbage. Oh wait, I already said that. Fulci got sick and stuff, and didn't complete this film, so other people wrote new scenes, had to hire new actors, and then tried to cram the two bits together. Let's do a checklist of the awful, and remember that this is not a complete list, because a complete list would require a boring and terrible retelling of the entire movie in excruciating detail.

1. Makes no sense. A populated hotel resort that is the site of an outbreak at the beginning of the film is suddenly an abandoned and run-down mess that looks like it hasn't seen people in years!

2. No plot.

3. Which makes it even worse that there's no hot nekkid chicks.

4. Scenes are shot in one place and then suddenly taking place somewhere completely different. No continuity.

5. Ugghhh. Just go watch it and see for yourself.

6. Oh, and only the shoddy zombie fights are the only redeeming feature of this film.

1 Brain out of 5 for old time sake, but I really want to give it, like, negative numbers or something.

Zombie Lake:

I'm torn again. This film is so bad that I want to give it negative brains. It's more like an old silent film with long stretches of annoying music and over staggering, overdone, craptacular acting. Redeeming qualities: Hot nekkid 80s chicks and zombie Nazis and lots of MST3K worthy moments including a fight scene where one zombie has to alpha male another zombie in the slowest, and silliest fight scene ever. Footage gets reused several times over. There's a scene where the crew is plainly visible in a giant mirror. Not just a quick glimpse, or tiny movement in a reflective surface that you can blink and miss. It's a giant wall mirror and you can see the camera guys walking in with the actor as plain as day for several seconds. And what the fuck time does this movie take place? One minute the zombies come crawling out of the lake to eat hot nekkid chicks and it's noon and the next scene the zombies are staggering around town in what is supposed to be night, and then it's broad daylight when the zombies stagger back to the lake. Heck, I think one sequence was: Zombies stagger into lake, zombies come back out, zombies go into lake, Wait, zombies are in the town now, zombies attack, zombies stagger back into lake. Oh, and during the underwater scenes, you can totally see that it's in a swimming pool.

The sheer stupidity, shoddy workmanship, sillyness, and number of hot nekkid 80's chicks earn it a brain that it really doesn't deserve.

1 brain out of 5

Zombie Honeymoon:

I've seen this one getting some bad reviews, but after Zombie Lake and Zombi 3, I actually enjoyed this one. Still pretty low budget, but it has some pretty decent acting, and some great zombie attacks as the zombie husband slowly changes into more and more of a vicious killing machine. The wife, played by Tracy Coogan, is super cute and when she gets worked up, she can't hide her sexy Irish accent. The scenes where the wife (Denise) has to sit in the house listening to the crunching and slurping noises of her husband eating was pretty cool and made me a little queasy, but in a good way. I've also read some critiques that the budget was so small that they could only afford to have one zombie, but in a way, that's like complaining that Alien only had one Alien in it. This movie has an interesting premise and some creative bits that don't require hordes of the undead.

I'll go a-head and give it 3.5 pretty damn good brains out of 5

5 Things Missing From Zombie Flicks or: Put Me In, Coach!!

Hi there, Hollywood. Can we talk for a minute? There are so many beautiful, feasible ideas that are being neglected in the genre of Zombie movies and I'm worried you don't even know what you're missing. Every time a new film comes out I get my hopes up that I'm going to get a fresh new look at solving the age old problem of killing a fuckton of shambling, undead corpses and then I get the same old shit. So here are five things I would incorporate into a movie were I writing/directing.

5. Why the hell do so few people wear armor in zombie movies? I understand a lot of them take place during the initial outbreaks so people aren't prepared necessarily for such an ordeal (Although seriously, you should be. It's really just a matter of time, people.). But once we're a couple of weeks into the infection I want to see people in a minimum of leather, top to bottom. Zombies are driven by their insatiable lust for blood, guts and brains, but they are still running on the Human 1.21.036 chassis. There is only so much power the average zombie can deliver. Leather would divert a majority of bites and scratches while leaving the good guys the ability to maneuver effectively. If they get their hands on some Kevlar or those crazy fucking bear suits, so much the better.

4. I'd like to see something done several months after the ZombPocolypse in which pockets of humanity have managed to survive and congregate. In that context I want to see a methodical collection of supplies from a given region, say a couple of city blocks, and then I want to see that shit burned to the ground. Zombies can't sneak up on you if you can see for a quarter mile in every direction. What's the sense in leaving buildings up when all they do is make good hiding spots and off-camera teleportation landing zones for zombies? I'll tell you what's the sense. NONE!

3. Pikes and shield walls. Hey, not everybody is going to get their share of guns from the sporting goods store and you can find trees all over. Let's see some old school medieval shield walls in the absence of firepower! I'm talking about the head-to-toe castle doors. And peaking between each shield should be a man with a pike, impaling reanimated facemeat until the cows come home.

2. True, high quality marksmanship at a distance. Also known as sharp shooting. Imagine a combination of the sharpshooter scenes from Black Hawk Down and the "cover me, I'm going in," scene near the end of The Long Kiss Goodnight wherein Geena Davis keeps Samuel L. Jackson alive as he makes his way through an enemy installation. I want to see a one shot, one kill scenario with some teeth to it!! Who gives a shit why the lone man on the ground has to get to the far side of the zombie horde? For all I know it's to save the last known living puppy. Or to get his hands on his irreplaceable stack of PorNoire comic book series Madame Ovary, the ongoing saga of a combination titty bar and OBGYN office. What's important is that he's zigging and zagging. Bobbing and weaving. And zombies are falling all around him because his brothers in arms turn their hats backwards when it's time to get serious, just like Lincoln Hawk.

1. Any high-caliber/high-rate-of-speed, antipersonnel gun being fired effectively and efficiently into a writhing mob of zombies. You remember the one part of Matrix: Revolutions that you actually liked? Where the squiddies came piling into the dock and they were being mowed down by the dozen? Imagine a mini-gun in the hands of a highly trained and experienced expert with a person dedicated solely to reloading and another to covering stragglers. This should not just be a scene where they manage to hold out for five or ten seconds while the hero gets away. I want total annihilation, wave after wave of bodies evaporating from the shoulder up.

These things are well within your means, Hollywood, so why do you keep fucking around? Is it because you're worried that if you set the bar too high you'll be required to achieve that level of awesome again and again? If that's the case, then bring me in for the Big Win. I've been waiting feverishly in the bull pen and I have a case of zombie movie blue balls so severe I have to wheel around a liquid nitrogen tank to keep them in check. I know it's scary, being cuckolded in front of your beautiful lady, the American Audience, but let's face it; if I don't give her what she needs Boyle and Romero are just going to wait for you to start making Twilight 3: The Emoning and then poke her ass when you're not looking.

Glad we had this talk.

We Haven't Forgotten About You

We just don't care about you.

We have a blog-based project in the works in which we well SPEAK TO OURSELVES BEYOND RIGHT NOOOOOW!! Using Future Me.

In the mean time, this guy's site is pretty neat and you should check it out. Where else can you get a zombie a day? I am told that it will keep the meat sacks, doldrums, and any other mammal away. Plus there are creepy little biographies with each one.

http://toomanyzombies.blogspot.com/

Updates and News and Alerts and Warnings

I've put up more artwork.

In other art news, I up and started a wave of Ambigrams. Here's a sneak peek at what's in store. A rough sketch to be sure. I'm currently working on "Robot" and a double inversion that reads "Zombie", and then "Robot" when flipped. Or maybe "ZombieS" and RobotS" depending on how it all works out. It makes my brain sweaty to work on these, but it's like a cool puzzle to solve.

I wish I was actually way tiny and lived inside a full sized robot duplicate of myself so I could hide inside and do artwork while my gollum acted out daily life. There would be problems, of course. All my original artwork wouldn't be much bigger than 3 or 4 inches and I'd need a really good teeny tiny scanner to get big print outs. Which means I'd have to get Apple to make a tiny computer for me. And lighting would be a problem, what with all the heat from the bulbs. My robot's farts would smell like tungsten and copper.

MOTHbot

Billions and Billions

An update of the life so far of MOTHbot J. Garcia Lopez Maria de las Albundigas Williams III.

Girlfriend Unit CV1 got me "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies". I'm very happy to be reading this book. It has illustrations and dialogue like: "My dear girl" said her ladyship. "I suggest you take this contest seriously. My ninjas will show you no mercy." Reminds me of the Samurai Cat books by Mark Rodgers.

I'm also watching Carl Sagan's "Cosmos" that I got from iTunes. I've always been lazy and not read the books since I watched the show and kinda felt it would spoil the ending. But now I've decided to exercise my reading prowess... Right after I get done watching the series.

That reminds me of the time Dekx and I challenged Carl Sagan to a series of leg wrestling bouts over rights to claim the title, High Priest of Science. Carl totally whooped our asses and then never even used the title. I had it printed on some business cards but I never handed them out, even after he passed away, because I still feared his wrath. I keep meaning to travel back in time and demand a rematch and some lunch but I've been busy subtly manipulating Dekx's genetics by breeding with his ancestors. That's working pretty well since I'm probably the only person to be a great-great- great-great aunt while still alive.

I totally wish that when I got mad, one of my arms would turn into a silverback gorilla arm and I could smack bitches down. So I've started work on a project to make that happen. It's done using a technique of low level Quantum switching. So, theoretically there'd be a gorilla somewhere who suddenly had one pale, scrawny, useless right arm. I hope it won't cause him too much embarrassment. Right now, there are some kinks to be worked out on targeting the source arm and when I get angry, my right arm turns into a golden marmoset for a split second. Yeah, a whole golden goddam marmoset. He gets hella freaked out when he sees that he's growing out my right shoulder and that his right arm has been replaced with mine. We still don't know where his original right marmoset arm goes, but whenever it comes back, the fingernails are freshly manicured and it smells like curry.

Mmmmm curry...

More Zombie Music Videos

In my ongoing search for cool robot and zombie videos...

I dig the Aesop Rock. I have tow of his albums,"None Shall Pass" and "Bazooka Tooth". Never really checked out his videos though. So it's awesome to find an artist I like making videos with zombies.

Musical Zombies

A few weeks ago, I put up a zombie infested music video by the band Naked Ape. Well, it had me thinking about other videos I had seen with zombies and all that. Months before I had found one while searching the web for Zombie Porn. I kid you not. I routinely search the web for robot porn and zombie porn. For research purposes. Uh, to read the articles. Ummm...
Anyway.
I was a little hesitant to re-enter my search for "zombie stripper" while here at work, but thanks to YouTube I managed to find this long lost little tid-bit. Lo-and-behold, the boys of Naked Ape have quite the zombie fetish! It's all coming together. Wether or not I like their music (I do), Naked Ape may have to be my favorite band just because of their videos.

Mothy

Hip to the Hop 3.0

As usual, I'm bouncing to work in my hoopty while bumping some old-school rap on the XM (Channel 65 - The Rhyme) and I get sent back through time. Suddenly it's 1984. I'm 10 years old and still living in Texas. Some friends and I are at Jackson Street Park listening to rap songs on a large boom-box. The kids with the boom-box are older and go to the local public school, so I don't really know them. They start break dancing to "Jam-On-It" by Newcleus and my whole world goes nutz! Not only are they doing hella cool moves, (including the 'pull your ragdoll body up by an imaginary hook on the back of your neck) but this song raps about Superman! SUPERMAN! Now, the big blue boy scout is probably the only thing in the cosmoverse that I get more worked up about than zombies and robots. If it weren't for the fact that Dekx doesn't particularly care one way or another about Superman, this site would have been "supermanloveszombieslovesrobots". Eh. Maybe Dekx is right, it'd be too long.
Anyway, Superman may lose his rap battle against Cozmo-D and his funky fresh crew, but I was so excited to hear Superman mentioned that I swore I'd never forget this song. I probably haven't heard "Jam-On-It" since then and always kinda wondered if I had really heard it, or was just confusing my memories of a different song with my dreams of writing my own rap songs about the man of Steel. And I pretty much forgot about it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7pWX46lJc1Y
Now, another little part of my life is complete and can get a smiley face sticker. The olde tyme breaks dancing is super awesome too. Maybe there'll be a reunion tour and you can catch Newcleus live at the carnival in some local casino parking-lot.

But the awesome doesn't exactly end there. After a nice little Slick Rick joint, they played "White Lines" by Grandmaster Flash and Mele Mell!! Mell is hella ready to RUMBLE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGFn-Q_FN44
Which made me want to skip work to go back home and watch... Shaun.
I'll be perfectly honest with you. As much as I like Duran Duran, I never liked their cover of this song. The original just nailed it the first time and there's never really been a need to remake this classic jam.
See y'all honkies later.

DJ Mothy-Bot

Hooray for Tuesday!

28 Weeks Later comes out on Tuesday. That means that by Wednesday morning I'm going to be a stressed out wreck of a man who stayed up all night watching zombie movies! Being very poor lately, I haven't bought any movies in a while (except Hot Fuzz), but 28 Weeks is a MUST.

MOTHbot <3 Zombies